A tall dark African- American man walks into a pitch black room. The room is extremely cold and you can feel the suspension of the uncertain objects in the room building up higher and higher. The man takes his first step into the pitch black room and his whole body is immediately shot up with terror, it starts at his feet and it slowly spreads to his butt then to his sweaty back. When the terror finally reaches his second step, he feels as if he is going to pass out. As he takes his third step with his size 14, left foot, he could hear the sound of his red air max ninety-fives squeak against the cold hard basement floor. The sound startled him so much that the feeling of terror shot right back up his smoothly shaven legs and into his black hairy chest. The man’s puffy afro begins to feel like little black spiders were crawling in his hair and he startled to jump around and run his hands through his nappy roots to get rid of any unnecessary items intertwined with his freshly combed hair.
Even though it was over 100 degrees outside, the basement felt so cold that it could snow at any given minute. The man was so cold and nervous that he started to shiver and shake. The goose bumps on his arms were rapidly spreading throughout his whole body and it reached all the way down to the tip of his big round black big toe. The man suddenly remembered that he had stored a big ass puff coat in the right section of the basement but he knew that there was something different in the atmosphere and he was too terrified to walk over there and get it himself. The man reached for his old 1989 cell phone to call down his son to help him get the puff coat and to calm his nerves. When he really got his son on the phone, he asked him if he can also bring him down a nice cold glass of the freshly squeezed lemonade. The son kept asking his father what he was saying, like he was having a hard time hearing him, but he ended the conversation with an OK DAD and hung up the phone in his face. When his son reached the door he started to pound it with his fist, splashing and spilling most of the lemonade out of the beautifully decorated cup. The father then turned to the direction the pounding was coming from but it was so dark that the man couldn’t even remember where he had came in from. After several minutes of pounding the son eventually went away.
Suddenly, something slapped the man in the face. Thinking that it was his son trying to mess around, he yelled for his offspring to knock it off. After it didn’t stop and the slaps kept coming back and the man yelled at the top of his lungs for the slapping to stop. After 30 seconds of screaming the man eventually passed out and died of starvation and a heart failure….it turned out that the slapping was coming from a hanging bag of garbage.
As far as getting details in, I'd say mission pretty much accomplished, esp. in the first paragraph. The descriptions of what's going on internally with this guy (goose bumps spreading, spiders crawling in hair, etc.) were my personal favorites, somehow.
ReplyDeleteIt's true that my only instructions were "Get in as much detail as you can," which you've done here. But next comes the question of which details to include and which to leave out. Why, for example, does the size of his foot and the fact that it's his left foot have anything to do with the story? See what I mean?